NOLA

I took a trip to visit New Orleans with my Mom and her fiance, Tom, back in august at the height of summer. We met up with her friend from the navy & we were able to see nola through the eyes of a gal from the bayou.

what a wicked game to play

This week was rain and car troubles, stress and excitement. This week was finality and spontaneity, bright colors and muted ideas. Rachael has been a model for me before and I think we work really well together. Each time, the images come out exactly how I want them to and I barely had to touch these photos other than some contrast and color correction. What more can photographer ask for? Rachael inspired these photos, actually. She posted a shot of butterfly wings that literally blew into her life a few days ago and I, being the mega-creep that I am, asked if I could put them on her face and take headshots. Totally normal. I picked up the vintage dress at a thrift shop and this shoot ended up taking a creepy turn but it still holds the idea I was going for.

It was nice to be able to do a shoot with someone. I've been shooting a lot of self portraits lately and it was nice to be behind the camera this time. The top image and the one directly above to the right are almost completely straight out of camera. I tweaked the contrast a bit and upped the brightness.

The butterfly wings were so delicate and beautiful. We ended up choosing one with bright colors and Rachael matched the makeup perfectly. As we were walking out, my dad mentioned a deer skull he had in the shed. He went and got it for us before we set out on our golf cart adventures:

And, lastly, an outtake that I really enjoyed because of the focus on the stray hair and dress:

I'm really happy with this shoot. Tomorrow I'm off to Pittsburgh for a couple of days to visit and then next Tuesday, I embark on my Iceland/London/Ireland/Paris adventure until the end of September.

Sorry the writing was so boring this time around. My mind is already falling asleep.

Goodnight,

K

The lives we dream about living,

and the dreams we live.

If I think about it long enough, I start missing people I shouldn't miss. Then, when I'm all caught up in that, I start thinking I deserved more from the people I'm missing and that's why I miss them. When I get knee deep in that, I realize my thinking is wrong.

It's like when you were young and your parents used to tell you, "but if you dig a hole deep enough, you'll get to China." And you started digging. You started digging that hole thinking you were doing the most rational thing possible. Inch by inch, the rationality turned into obligation. You deserved to get to China after all that damn digging. Soon enough, you either reached China or realized you couldn't do it and went in for a glass of lemonade to sooth your muscles and your pride.

Regardless, you started thinking rationally again. You didn't deserve China. Hell, you didn't even want to GO to China! But the thought of digging yourself to a new place with new people to miss sure is nice. 

See, it wasn't my nostalgia or the fact that I miss people I shouldn't; it's that I left when I found out it was as easy as digging a hole. I've always been good at building empty.

it's a shame you don't know what you're running from

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“Because there’s nothing more beautiful than the way the ocean refuses to stop kissing the shoreline, no matter how many times it’s sent away.” ― Sarah Kay

 Growing up near the ocean creates a delicate need inside of you; it allows you to understand that most things are push and pull and sometimes, you have to let go in order to really get anything out of something. I've been pushing myself for a long time, but pulling back even more. This uncomfortable inability to obtain satisfaction is frustrating and, to be honest, it's getting old. I'm twenty two. Having to remind myself of this fact constantly is ridiculous. I'm going to be fine. Yeah, I'll never be twenty two and have my dream job. I'll never be twenty two and know where I'm going, or what the hell I'm even doing with my life. Maybe there's a bit more satisfaction in that. I can't keep responding to people, "Nothing." when they ask what I'm doing with my life. You know, it's really none of their business. I'll figure it out.

Rachel

I went down to the beach with my best friend, Rachel, last week. I couldn't have captured these without her help because I was so nervous. I haven't taken self-portraits in such a long time and I kept getting really self conscious because there were a handful of people around. Anyway, this felt good. I'm settling back into it, I think.

Whenever I know I'm not going to see someone for a while (case in point, when I moved out of Pittsburgh), people tell me to visit or keep in contact or just be a relevant piece of furniture in their far away lives. I always tell them, "You can't get rid of me that easily."

And, well, it's probably the truest thing about me. I'm not going anywhere, you can't get rid of me that easily.

post-movement

(flickr)

I officially moved out of Pittsburgh and into Delaware two weeks ago. It was weird to accept that a place I called my home for nearly 4 years was no longer that. Maybe it never really was, though. It's possible that Pittsburgh was just a pit stop. My final evening in the steel city, my parents and my closest friends went on an adventure to the casino and a few bars. It was absolutely perfect and I was so humbled by the lovely people that made it out.

(follow me on instagram @martzart)

Now, I'm back in Delaware saving as much as possible until my big move to New York City. After all this time of fighting with myself about where I wanted to be and where I needed to be, I finally stopped fighting. New York has been my first and only love since I was in third grade; I was hooked from the first moment I stepped off the bus and onto the concrete. Without fail, each time I've had the fortune of visiting, I've left a piece of myself in the big apple. So, to finally stop running from something I actually want, I quit my full-time job in Pittsburgh, let my lease end without looking for new housing, and came home to work at a job that I am only benefitting from financially. I'm also enjoying some time to re-brand myself and get my bearings. Living at the beach definitely has its perks.

I've had the chance to do some underwater images, hang out in my parent's garden, and visit friends from Pittsburgh who came to visit Ocean City.

Sam over at Style Thrice was in Ocean City last week with her family and best friends and I had so much fun visiting with them. Little pieces of summer are making me have a bit more patience with being home instead of working on my future right this second. I know, ultimately, I am working towards a huge goal. I can't wait to be in the city. It's going to be so incredibly difficult, and a lot of time and effort but I'm completely prepared for it and I am actually craving it.

I have a few more little surprises but you'll just have to wait and see.

-K

well-behaved bitches seldom make history.

Yesterday, Sam and I took a mini-adventure to the east end and enjoyed the beautiful sunshine and lunch on the upper deck of BRGR. I found the above shirt in Timebomb but didn't buy it because it was baby sized. I regret it now, I should have picked it up and done a little DIY with it considering I can't get the saying out of my head. Of course, it belongs to Laurel Thatcher Ulrich, "Well-behaved women seldom make history."

It's important to understand the risk taking and spontaneity of this quote. It's not about lighting everything in sight on fire, literally, but instead, figuratively. Reclaiming the things around you and ridding of what you don't need is really important. I'm the worst at getting rid of things; I probably am somewhat of a hoarder, both materialistically and thoughtfully. I'm a dweller. I've started trying to go through the important things in my life and really 'clean out' the negative. I try to look at things that are prevalent from every possible side and decide what the most critical part is. It doesn't always work; sometimes I leave my brain feeling way more frustrated and, sometimes, more negative than I was originally. That's what tomorrow is for. Today is for sorting, tomorrow is for deciding, and anything beyond that is risk. 

I can't really say what risks I'm making right now. I do know that I will not be signing another lease in Pittsburgh. I never intended to stay here beyond schooling and, in the words of my very wise lifeline of a grandmother, "You went there and did what you intended. Now, pick yourself up and keep moving."

Here we go.

dahntahn.

I had off work today so Cristina and I met downtown. As soon as I left my apartment, it began to rain. However, we didn't let it ruin our plans and we still set out to take some photos and catch up. After taking the incline down the mountain, I decided to take the T into the city. I absolutely love the T; I blame it on my third grade obsession with the subway in NYC.

Station square T, rainy city and red lips.

view on flickr.

Cristina and I ventured into subway and then out into the city for a mini photo adventure.

killer Victoria's Secret booties.

Despite the gloomy weather, it was a great day off. I had originally planned on spending the entire day in my bed so I'm glad I actually ventured out into the world and snapped some photos.

To end the evening, we stopped by Starbucks. I've been wanting to try their new blonde roast. Since I drink my coffee black and as strong as possible, I didn't care for it much. It smelled and tasted like chicken broth to me. I know that sounds bizarre, but Cristina agreed on the soup front. I'll stick to my dark roast, hold the broth, thank you very much.

Happy MLK Jr Day! 

-k